#apl questioning

[shenny100]

Once again contemplating if we're apl-spec again :/

A few of our coworkers were bickering (friendly I think?) about who was closer to us and therefore a better friend

(we just stayed silent throughout the whole thing)

But on the inside we felt... not quite disgusted but displeased?

Just like: "Ha ha ha... sorry but no, we are not friends just acquaintances :)"

I know that we (almost collectively) have very high empathy and sympathy (that's why we never respond or look at any donation posts because then we'd have no money (which we need if we're going to move out one of these days))

And it's just... we care for and love humanity as a whole but call us your friend? No. That is not allowed

But the thing is we haven't felt platonic attraction since late 2021 (and even then it wasn't for very long) and before that in 2016 (or 2017?) and before that, I wanna say, in 2013? And I don't think we've ever felt platonic attraction before that

So that's at least 3 total people that we've felt platonic attraction to.

But the problem is... we love humanity (as a whole) and care about people too much to feel comfortable IDing as apl-spec

Everyone that we interact with often and have had good interactions with we, generally, care about with our whole heart(s).

And that's the problem... we care too much. But we still feel distant from everyone else, like we're broken.

Before we found out about asexuality, we thought everyone else was weird (but then again our little friend group turned out to be 3/4 ace-spec).

Now we don't ID as ace-spec because ✨host change✨ and the discovery that not everyone feels the same way about girls...

But it's not the same with aplatonicness...

We feel broken like something is missing or broken

Like we should care more than we already do

Like we're missing that spark, that intrinsic feeling that everyone else seems to feel

We love people

We love humanity

We love learning about others and helping them grow

We love giving gifts (oh boy do we love giving gifts)

So why can't that be enough?!?

Why can't it be enough to care about others?

Maybe we're just afraid of intimacy

Maybe we're just averse to being called a "friend"

Maybe we just hate that word

That word... "friend"

[aro-culture-is]

sorry if this isn't the place to ask, i'm just feeling really dumb right now and the blogrunners here are very good at explaining things in a kind way i can understand: how do aplatonic people think of the people in their lives if not as friends? i don't ask to be judgemental, i'm really sorry if my question sounds rude, i just want to know if most aplatonic people see their (nonromantic, nonsexual) relationships as purely transactional or if it varies from person to person. i maintain a lot of impersonal transactional relationships myself so i get that, i'm just curious

hiya! i think this is something that's more of a personal question that varies among aplatonic folks.

we (the blog runners) are a system, with some members alloplatonic, others apl-spec, none who primarily identify as apl currently. Our apl-spec headmates usually call individuals we're close with our friends, in a similar way to how ace people can have sex and aro people can have romantic relationships - it's not exactly the same, but they don't feel strongly about not calling those people friends. they feel no particular drive to hang out with specific people, thought they may do so for an assortment of reasons. those are often either transactional, about maintaining relationships with people that our system values, or about community building and care, which we are very driven towards. (as in, regularly start up connections for the purpose of community building and forming affinity groups)

I'll also encourage other folks under the apl-spec to respond to this via reblogs!

note: Our blog preference, to be clear, is that we do not receive follow-up asks from anons on previous topics, as it just gets pretty confusing to navigate. when our inbox used to be in the 6-7 hundreds regularly for this blog, we'd often have asks from over a month prior appear and disappear from the inbox by just... refreshing the same page. thank you for understanding!

[our-aplatonic-experience]

NOT HATE MAIL GENUINE QUESTION I JUST WORD THINGS WEIRD /GEN

do apl folk choose not to have friends? is it like the same spec of repulsed, neutral, open as aspec/arospec where some are repulsed by friendship, but others are neutral or open to it?? im so so sorry if these come off as rude, i love my friends very much so the idea of being aplatonic confuses me so i want to understand

yeah pretty much, some apl people hate the idea pf having friends, some are fine with it, and others (like me) like having friends! theres a lot in between those as well, its very similar to aro and ace.

[apl-culture-is]

Platonic-favourable Apl culture is constantly questioning if you are actually apl or if you are just a lonley allo

.

[jestersdlc]

what does it exactly mean to be apl? Where do you fall on the spectrum?

Apl just means you're aplatonic (but you can use it to mean apl-spec same as saying someone's aro or ace when they're a-spec)

And being Aplatonic means you experience little to no platonic attraction, platonic attraction is basically a drive (platonic attraction) to befriend someone, to want to interact with that specific person(s) in a platonic way and do platonic activities with them, you WANT to spend time with a specific person because you WANT to be their friend specifically because you feel driven to.

And being aplatonic....you don't feel driven to WANT to befriend or engage with anyone platonically (or maybe only feel that kind of thing under set circumstances, rarely, etc same labels as other A's can apply) but you can choose to be friends with people or engage with them (much like aro's can choose to date even if they may not experience romantic attraction, a choice rather then a preset drive.)

And as an apl (or spec) you can be friending (willing to make friendships/engage with others platonically while not experiencing platonic attraction) neutral or non friending (Opposite to friending you can also be plato-positive, neutral or repulsed)

As for where I fall on the spectrum, my icon is a good indicator for the simple answer at least. Apl-flux, an individual who experiences fluctuated platonic attraction. I can feel platonic attraction to some degree but sometimes I feel none or very little. And I would say generally I am plato-positive/indifferent and friending leaning.

And the not simple answer is, it's complicated, the answer is not a cut and dry single answer; there is multiple answers that contradict yet all remain true at once. Apl-flux is simple for a main label.

[allegoriesandepithets]

Large Pixel Size Questioning A-spec Flags

[PT: Large Pixel Size Questioning A-spec Flags]

Questioning Ace-spec ~ Questioning Aro-spec

Questioning Apl-spec ~ Questioning Aqp-spec

Questioning Analt-spec ~ Questioning Asen-spec ~ Questioning Anae-spec

Definition: One who isn’t sure if one is on the a- [attraction type] spectrum or not.

These also go by a-[attraction type]-allo-unsure (ex: ace-allo-unsure).

All flags are 3000x2000 pixels.

@tertiary-attraction-archive @orientation-archive @radiomogai @liom-archive @imoga-pride

[clarablightt]

so uuhhhh your local ✨aroace lesbian✨ has realized something

i’m not just aromantic and asexual

✨i’m aplatonic too✨

[gender-luster]

genuine question: what's aplatonic? and what does it mean to you, if it means anything to you specifically?

aplatonic is a label for people who experience little to no platonic love or attraction

much like asexual or aromantic, it is also part of the aspectrum

what does it mean to me? well, i have a huge issue with how society labels and treats relationships to begin with. the hierarchies and expectations it imposes on them and the way we only really have like 3 or 4 basic labels for close personal relationships, when every relationship that exists between 2 or more individuals is unique to those individuals, infuriates and saddens me to no end.

i also personally don't really experience any kind of what i call "relationship attraction" the kinds of attractions i primarily experience are physical (aesthetic, sensual, occasionally sexual, etc.), though i still do often enough experience some kinds of emotional attraction, however none of those attractions or desires for emotional closeness are tied to any expectations of or desires for any specific kind of relationship

and aplatonic (and really every label i use from the aspectrum) is just a label that i find helps me express all that

does that make sense? i hope so. also- ps. i don't really experience anything i call love, so. (see the loveless label)

[askanaroace]

Nov Carnival of Aros: Aplatonic - Aplatonic Advice

So this month's Carnival is hosted by @exploringaspec on the topic of aplatonicism.

Now, I've written quite a bit about my aplatonicism and aplatonicism in general already (all of which AUREA is welcome to quote if anything is interesting enough).

Loneliness - I Don't Think I Experience It

Aplatonicism guitar playing metaphor

Afamilial Thoughts

How I Came to the Aplatonic Label

Platonic vs romantic love

Coping with loneliness

Dealing with guilt

So it was quite difficult for me to come up with something I wanted to talk about this month. Since I am an advice blog, I think I will go with some general advice to anybody aplatonic, aplatonic spectrum, or questioning.

-> Remember, aplatonic is just like any other label. It's a tool. It's not meant as a diagnosis. You don't need to meet some standard or pass some test to be valid. Is the term aplatonic useful to you in some way? Does it make you feel good/comfortable/seen to use the label? Does it help you connect with a community of people who have similar experiences to you? Do you want to ID as aplatonic? If you answered yes to any ONE of those, then try the label out! You make the label work for you. You don't work yourself to the label. Use it when, how, and if you feel like it. That includes not using or discarding the term if it doesn't work for you, even if you might technically fit into the definition.

-> There's no one way you have to feel. I mean this multiple ways. You're not somehow inherently "wrong" for not feeling A Way(TM) about the people in your life just because a lot of people may feel differently than you. There's not one way to be aplatonic, either. The term has multiple, wide definitions. It can refer to people who don't experience platonic crushes. It can refer to people who don't experience platonic love. It can refer to people who have difficulty, disinterest, and/or discomfort in making, managing, or maintaining platonic relationships. Again: do you connect to the term in some way? That's what matters. Language is a tool. That's it.

-> Foster whatever kinds of relationships you desire or that make you happy. Don't foster relationships you don't desire or that make you unhappy. You can be aplatonic and allosexual. You can be aplatonic and alloromantic. You can be aplatonic and experience alterous attraction. You can be aplatonic and want a committed partner of some kind. You can be aplatonic and polyamorous. You can be aplatonic and experience familial, aesthetic, sensual, etc. attraction. You can be aplatonic and want none of that. You can be aplatonic and be a hermit/recluse. You can be aplatonic and enjoy having acquaintances or other casual platonic relationships. Instead of getting hung up on the label, explore what makes you happy - and what doesn't. And it's okay if this changes over time (short- or long-term).

-> Relationships aren't the only thing in life. Feel free to focus on hobbies, art, sports, exercise, cooking, baking, fashion, work, volunteering, animals, education, meditation, spirituality. In fact, I would encourage everyone to not forgot those parts of life exist and to pursue other parts of yourself beyond your relationship to other people.

I hope there are some helpful words in here if you needed them.

Volunteering for the Carnival is deceptively easy, and we have an open spot for December and January. If there's a topic you want to engage the community in, please reach out. All you need is a topic idea and a place you can receive submissions at. If you don't even have a place to host - we'll help with that.

[foolishfynnesse]

I am Once Again questioning whether I am on the aplatonic spectrum.

Earlier today I was just like, “I don’t need to know whether the term grayplatonic applies to me. I can just not claim the aplspec label and not claim the alloplatonic label either—that’s totally fine. I shouldn’t force myself to have a label that causes me distress.”

And now I’m like, “I must know. I have to know if I’m aplspec. I cannot rest until I’m sure.”

[lovelessrage]

any advice for an aroallo whos questioning being on the aplatonic spectrum?

I think it depends on some specifics: there's a lot of ways to be aplatonic!

I'd say first off, it's good to evaluate YOUR personal experience with friendship, platonic attraction, and platonic love - how do you personally feel about it? It's easy to start off questioning by comparing yourself against others or trying to measure up, but I feel from personal experience it tends to prolong or confuse things. While goimg off the testimony for others can be useful for starting out, don't hold yourself to the standard you MUST be like them or you aren't aplatonic.

Second, consider what relationship you want to have going forward with friendship and other platonic things; just because you've been friending in the past doesn't mean that you have to continue to be friending in the future if you feel you're more comfortable that way. Every apl's experience will be completely different from the next, even if they look similar from a distance; if you still want to personally keep friends, of you're undecided, or if it depends on the day, this is all up to you.

Third, research is great, but don't feel beholden to walking the well-trodden path. If you feel specific labels or identities aren't quite right, don't force on a shoe that's uncomfortable to wear. Sometimes, ambiguity is a comfortable place to be!

Fourth, it's okay to be wrong! Never go into questioning with the idea this has to be permanently binding! Identity is fluid and hard to pinpoint sometimes. Letting go of the expectation of permanence can relieve a lot of stress on needing to make an often-thought-to-be permanent decision.

And, finally, it is COMPLETELY up to you who you tell or what you do with your identity. As with gender, sexuality, and other things, nobody is owed the details or disclosure of your aplspec identity. Only come out when you are safe in the company of safe people! It is very unfortunate, but it does happen where people come out to aplphobic people close to them because they feel obligated, and they end up hurt from it. If you are considering coming out, maybe ask the people you intend to come out to their opinions beforehand; try to obtain a snapshot of their opinions, and feel free to offer info if you have the energy. All this considered, you never have to tell anyone; it is never going to be a must. Be safe if you do, be safe if you don't.

[imanoddsweetthing]

Was asked who I missed the most out of my family.

I answered my ‘nephew’ cause I definitely think of him more than others. But I’m pretty sure it’s cause he’s child and I love kids so much. Probably wouldn’t be thinking about him at all if he was older.

It’s been four months since I left home and I don’t miss anyone. I don’t think about them at all. I reunited with my mom after three months apart and that was the only time I really missed a family member. But she’s here with me so I’m alright.

However, I like when my brothers call my mom. I never call them. Don’t really want to. They never call me. Don’t really want them to. Sometimes, I listen in the conversations. Sometimes, I talk to them. Sometimes, just knowing they’ve called is enough.

One of my brothers will be visiting soon. Though, I don’t miss him, I do look forward to seeing him.

I ask myself ‘If I never hear their voices or see their face again, would I be okay with it?’ and I don’t really know know the answer to that

[kiruliom]

familial but not the human definition of parents/siblings but the pack animal definition. do you understand. what may be friends to you are packmates to me.

[our-aplatonic-experience]

im curious what is aplatonic?

little to no platonic attraction, similar to aromantic and asexual

[apl-culture-is]

Questioning Apl culture is doing a test-drive of friendship before admitting to being Apl bc I do not think I'm ready to grieve the fact that I won't ever have a best friend and be perceived as "normal"

.

[thingwith4thousandnames]

ughhh. another day of "am i actually aplatonic or do i just take a long time to consider someone my friend and only feel comfortable calling them a friend if we're actually close"

i'm pretty sure i'm not actually 100% aplatonic. like i think i do feel some level of platonic feelings/attraction. and idk if "i only feel comfortable calling them a friend if we're very close" even warrants using the aplspec label.

idk. even if i don't use the label after all, the experience of exploring the identity has stuck with me. it's shown me that it's okay to have surface level interactions with people and that it's ok to interact with someone for one sole purpose, and that i shouldn't focus so much on making friends when the idea honestly makes me so uncomfortable and suffocated.

maybe it doesn't matter in the end.